Tag Archives: looks

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Smashing Stereotypes

Photo: Creative Commons

Photo: Creative Commons

We all do it. Sizing people up, making nanosecond judgements about the people we meet, based on various unwritten criteria floating around our heads. Brainy. Boring. Mumsy. Geek. Chav. Fun-loving. Hippie. Mean. Tarty. Snob.

Last week, someone said that I didn’t look like a mother, I didn’t seem the type. Yikes, is that a good thing (as in, I don’t look all mumsy)? Or is that a negative thing (do I look like a self absorbed person who wouldn’t possibly want children)? Or is it simply that I look too young to have kids (I know I often look far younger than my age)?

But then I just chuckled to myself. I don’t look like a lot of things. I’m sure I don’t look brainy – yet somehow I managed to clinch a first class honours degree. If I want to appear intelligent I opt for glasses rather than contacts but it doesn’t always work! I probably don’t look like a poet or guitarist, yet I’ve penned quite a few poetic lines and have been strumming tunes for quite some time now. I don’t look like a teacher (yes, people used to be surprised when I told them back when I was one) – since I often seem laid back and totally not authoritative. I admit it, I’m no scary teacher, but I can certainly step into ‘Mrs Carter, teacher mode’ if the occasion so requires. (I no longer teach, but am still involved in educational settings.)

I’m pretty certain I don’t look like I could be fluent in German, yet I am (well, used to be), having studied German and European Studies for four years. Now I’ve written a children’s novel (as yet unpublished), I’m wondering whether I look like a writer or author. Maybe on some days, who knows!

And finally, apparently I don’t look like a Christian. That one made me smile. A year 8 pupil once made this announcement after the topic of church came up and I mentioned my interests in this area. “Really, you go to church?” he said. “But miss, you don’t look like a Christian!” Again, I really wasn’t sure at first whether this was a positive or negative thing. But then I quickly determined that it was, in fact, rather a good thing. Who says that a Christian has to look a certain way anyway? I certainly wasn’t wearing anything outrageous to class that day, just my pretty average teacher-y gear, perhaps my cool brown boots, though I really can’t remember.

It just goes to show how wrong we can be about someone, based on first impressions. It’s funny how in the Old Testament, no-one thought that young David looked like warrior or king material. In fact, he was the least likely candidate. Yet he went on to defeat the fearsome menace Goliath and reigned over Israel for 40 years. And who can forget Susan Boyle, star of Britain’s Got Talent show a few years back? No-one expected her to sing with such power and capture the hearts of the audience.

Has anyone ever been surprised to hear what your roles or skills or interests are? Or have you ever been way off the mark in your judgements about someone?

As for me, I’m all for surprising people and smashing stereotypes. 

People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart: 1 Samuel 16:7

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Bartoli and the BBC/ Words Matter

Marion Bartoli and Andy Murray at the Champions’ Ball

I dread to think what I’d look like sans make-up in a white mini skirt on Centre Court at Wimbledon, having run around like crazy, swiping balls back at my opponent for an hour and a half. Add in a few frowns of concentration and some beads of perspiration, along with several focused grimaces, and I’m quite sure I’d not look a pretty sight.

Most of us accept the fact that Marion Bartoli, the 2013 Women’s Singles champion, was not on court to look pretty and that that was the last thing on her mind throughout the tournament. Yet some of the vitriol directed at her by mindless would-be commentators at home and the thoughtless comment from the BBC’s John Inverdale, suggesting live on air that she was not much of a ‘looker’ is shocking and regrettable. No wonder 674 viewers responded irately to the insensitive gaffe. I didn’t come across any unkind comments in the news regarding male players’ appearance or attractiveness. Bartoli’s stunning transformation at the Winner’s ball after the Championship may well have silenced some of her critics, but I don’t see why she had to prove anything at all. It’s not like she had tried to win a modelling contract; she’s a tennis player for goodness sake!

Fact is, there are times when we should just keep our thoughts to ourselves. What right do any of us have to name call and belittle others on the basis of their appearance? Unfortunately Bartoli’s experience was not unique to her; countless women face judgements on their looks on a daily basis. Female politicians and high profile women in media or business are frequently subjected to commentary on their appearance rather than their capabilities. The rise in social media has in no small part contributed to people’s tendency to broadcast mean or critical comments that they wouldn’t dream of vocalising in public.

Although Inverdale and the BBC have apologised for the above quote, the effects of the words still linger. I once read an analogy about the power of words, likening them to toothpaste that has been squeezed out of the tube. Once the substance has come out, it’s incredibly difficult to push it back in without leaving a big mess. That’s what our words are like. We may try to retract them or to apologise, but once they’ve passed our lips (or keyboard), they are hard to ignore or forget.

I’m aware of this myself, having spoken countless thoughtless words and regretted them. Thankfully, I don’t appear on live TV or radio and only a few have been on the receiving end of my ill advised comments or outbursts.  I’m reminded of the old adage, favoured by grannies and those of a previous era: “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” Wouldn’t it be good if that once again became a consistent maxim for the media – and for the rest of us – to follow before rushing to make announcements about people’s outward appearance? The BBC could perhaps also consider whether its presenters would benefit from some refresher training courses in how to avoid sexism and inappropriate comments.